We're About to Wrap Teach Up, Yo.

So...when we left our story, Teach was choking.

Me: "You okay, Teach?" (Yes, I called him that.)
Teach: "Barely...wow, you really were clueless, weren't you?"
Me: "Very."
Teach: "So, how long did it take you to figure out exactly what that dictionary was talking about?"
Me: "I'll tell you, but, just so you know, this is a very inappropriate conversation between pupil and teacher."
Teach: "Former pupil and former teacher."
Me: "Way to put a buzzkill on it; that's not hot at all. The illicit aspect of this is the whole reason I said yes to this date."
Teach: "Wow...you really are..."
Me: "Awesome? Fabulous?"
Teach: "Blunt."
Me: "You have no idea."
Teach: "So...if you're blunt, I can be blunt, right?"
Me: "Go for it."
Teach: "Answer the question."
Me: "I forgot the question...I just remember it was inappropriate."
Teach: "I asked you how long it was before you figured out what the dictionary was talking about."
Me: "Oh, years and years...well, I figured out during high school what it entailed for guys, but it took me a while to figure out what it meant for us girls."
Teach: "I see. But when you did figure it out, I really hope my name popped in your head at that moment."
Me: "I am shocked and appalled and will be reporting you to the principal, Teach."

So, he was obviously starting to loosen up a bit. We finished dinner, and we decided to walk around the casino a bit. We had a drink and played a few slots. He made fun of me because I didn't push the handy button on the slot machines. I like to look around for the ones that still have the lever, cause that's just more fun and you know it. I won exactly $42. I squealed and jumped up and down in my very high heels. Yes, I know that $42 is not a lot of money, but I never, ever win anything, so I was thrilled. Stop laughing at me, jerks. It was fun.

We talked and walked and had a perfectly lovely evening. He walked me to my car, told me he would like to see me again, and gave me a kiss. I drove home - of course calling Padma, Tamara, and Dorothy on the way giving them all the deets. I also called my sister. She, of course, was thoroughly proud of her matchmaking abilities and was already planning our upcoming nuptials. I called her a moron, told her I loved her, and continued my drive home.

Over the next week, Teach called every night. We talked for hours; I got very little sleep that week. We were trying to find a time to see each other again, but it was difficult because he had track commitments every weekend. The next week the phone calls tapered off...until I hadn't heard from him in about four days. Then, it started raining shit...

I checked my phone one day at lunch, and there were several texts from an unfamiliar number. Luckily for you readers, I saved these batshit crazy texts. I will gladly copy them word for word for you:

Text #1: Hi...I hate to impose but we have a common link that I need to discuss with you if possible. I've been seeing Teach for quite a while and just found out about you. It breaks my heart because he spouts his undying love and I don't know what to believe anymore. I don't believe anything he says but I need closure if possible. I really only need to know if you spent the night with him and is he still pursuing? I know this is very personal and I'm sorry to be asking...I just need answers.

Text #2: Sorry, I'm Barbie.

So, I'm thinking, naturally, "WTF?" I don't even take time to think about what to do - I immediately forward them to Teach, saying, "Apparently, your woman is on to you...and now so am I."

He calls me within two seconds.

Teach: "Please...let me explain."
Me: "Not much to explain...you have a girlfriend. I'm out."
Teach: "No! Well, that's not completely accurate...yes, we've had a relationship, but..."
Me: "But what?"
Teach: "You're going to think badly of me."
Me: "I already do. Spill it."
Teach: "She's married."
Me: "Wow, you were right...now I think worse."
Teach: "Please listen...it's been going on for five years...we work together here at the school...it just happened...it's the reason I left my wife...she was supposed to leave her husband, but she never did. She's lied to me for years."
Me: "Oh, I'm sorry...the woman who has been a liar and a cheater for five years wasn't completely honest with you? Shocker. And things like that don't just happen. You know this. You teach science. How many cases of a penis 'accidentally' falling into a vagina can there really be?"
Teach: "You don't understand...I'm trying to get over her...to get out of this for good...you're the first woman I've met who I've thought I could have a relationship with and forget about her."
Me: "Wow...unbelievable. No thanks. I'm not looking to be your escape route from your skeezo affair. Have fun with Barbie...or not... I really don't care. But, know this...while you've been talking I've looked up your school's website. And there's only one teacher on there with that first name...so now I have her last name. It won't be hard to find her husband...you live in a fairly small town. If either of you bothers me again or contacts me in any way...I will make sure he gets these texts. I plan on saving them. Got it?"
Teach: "I won't let her bother you...I promise."
Me: "Of course you won't...not because of affection for me, let's be clear on that...it's because it's in your best interest. Goodbye Teach. Don't call. Don't write. Don't think of me."

And that, my friends, is all she wrote! For tonight at least.

Love you muchas smoochas,
Annabelly