Here is a list, in no particular order, of things I have learned over the last two and a half years from dating (mostly losers) as a thirty-something divorcee.
1. Stupidly Small Town is no place to find dates. The men here are either toothless, bald, uneducated, partial to overalls (NO freakin' way I'm dating that fashion disaster), unemployed (but they're okay with that), twenty years old, or sixty years old. GROSS.
2. Cougars are IN. And, unfortunately, I have been viewed as one. I can be in a room full of men in their 30's and 40's, and there will be ONE damn dude who is 22. The 22 year old is the one who will hit on me. And he will be stupid.
3. Facebook is like one giant brothel. 'Nuff said.
4. Men enjoy texting you pictures of their junk with absolutely no provocation on your part. I have been the recipient of several. I did not, I repeat, DID NOT ask for these penis pictures. Although Tamara thinks it's hilarious, and she thinks I should start a penis scrapbook. These pictures often come from men you would never think would send such a picture...but there they are....the full monty...on my phone. Lovely.
5. Some men enjoy asking you, in the middle of dinner and often on the first date, if your boobs are real.
6. Bowling is a great first date. Hear me out! I know it sounds like something I wouldn't like because of the shared shoes (I did have to actively ignore that part), but it's actually adorable. You're not just sitting and staring and grasping for something to say. There is an activity in which to partake. There are people to watch. There are snacks. And, a huge bonus, if he has a cute booty you get to check it out every time he gets up to bowl. (side note: he had a PERFECT booty)
7. Men in their 20's are all about the boobs. Men in their 30's are all about the booty. Men in their 40's, well, that was an unfortunate surprise that I will tell you about later.
Part 2 will follow soon. I'm headed to the pool, bitches!
You know you love me,
Annabelly
What is wrong with being a cougar? I want to be a cougar, but I don't think the hubs would like that.
ReplyDeleteI was told one must be a MILF before being eligible for cougar-dom. If this is true, I will probably not ever be a cougar. I am not sure how I feel about this.
ReplyDeleteMy problemo with the cougar thing is that it means that I have to be older. The "er" I'm okay with; it's the "old" I have issues with.
ReplyDelete