Teach: Where I Try to Finish the Story, but I Realize I am a Windbag, and I must Finish Tomorrow....

What's up, lovely bitches? I hope you're ready for some mo' story...but you're not getting it all, cause let's face it, yours truly is a word HO! So this is all your getting. Stop complaining and read already :)



So, let's begin with the second phone call I had to make. Tamara.


Me: "Big news."

Tamara: "Cool. Is it about a man?"

Me: "Duh."

Tamara: "BB or MWFHS?"

Me: "Neither. Both are old news...both are also probably ass hats."

Tamara: "Ass hat? Is that your new word?"

Me: "Yes. Get used to it. I got tired of calling people moron, douchebag, and dumbass. Now, they're ass hats."

Tamara: "Ass hat. Got it. So, who's the dude?"

Me: "You'll never believe it."

Tamara: "We've been friends since first grade. I've heard all your stories. Nothing surprises me anymore."

Me: "This will. And what makes you think you know them all?"

Tamara: "Damn. You have more? You should start a blog."

Me: "Maybe I will. Anyway...back to the story. Remember ninth grade science class?"

Tamara: "Wow - random. Yeah, I guess. Is it someone from that class? Cause I just remember you, me, and that girl who came back to school that fall with the biggest boobs we'd ever seen. Remember? She was Pentecostal and flat chested at the end of eighth grade, then NOT Pentecostal and definitely NOT flat chested at the beginning of ninth grade...oh mylanta, it's not her, is it?"

Me: "Oh good gravy! No. What else do you remember about that class?"

Tamara: "Just that the teacher said "orgasm," everyone laughed but us, and we both went home and looked it up in the dictionary because we were clueless. But I doubt that has anything to do with your dude."

Me: "It has everything to do with my dude."

Tamara: "I don't see how...unless you have a date with...oh, have mercy. You have GOT to be kidding."

Me: "Nope. Not kidding. I can't tell you yet if I'm hot for teacher (betting that little gem is lost on you younger readers. Pity.), but I think I'm gonna have a date with one."



So, after filling in the besties, I go about my day, all the while completely flippy-stomached about my inevitable conversation with my former teacher who thinks I'm cute (according to my sis). Finally, about 9:00, it happens.


He is noticeably nervous. He is soft-spoken. He clears his throat a lot. He takes long pauses between sentences. Some people (usually people like me) would have been annoyed. I actually found it charming. He explained that he never did this - call women he didn't know, but that he decided to take a chance after reading my sister's message and seeing my picture.


Finally, he broaches the subject...


Teach: "So, the white elephant...Perky and Coolio inform me that you were actually in my class when I taught at SSTHS."


Me: "Yes, and I'm terribly offended that you don't remember me."


Teach: (after a long pause) "I apologize, Annabelly...trust me, I have racked my brain. I just don't remember. I'm so sorry. I can imagine that this is a big strike against me."


Me: (this should have been my clue. He really doesn't get my humor.) "Wow. Totally kidding. I'm actually glad you don't."


Teach: "Really? That's a relief. I thought it might be a deal breaker or something."


Me: "Heck no! Then you don't have some dorky ninth grade version of me in your head. I'm much cooler now."

Teach: (After a pause so long that I thought we had lost cell reception) "So...(another stupidly long pause)...dinner?"

Me: "I enjoy dinner."

Teach: (nervous laugh) "Good, good. What I'm saying is...for dinner...we could maybe meet sometime..."

Me: "Teach, I'd love to go out with you. All better now?"

Teach: "Much. Thanks (nervous giggle). It's been a while since I've dated. I guess you've picked up on that."

Me: "You'll be fine, Teach."

Teach: "So, what now?"

Me: "Wow, it has been a while. Pick a restaurant and a time. I'll be there."

Teach: "Great! (ridiculously, obnoxiously, starting-to-get-on-my-nerves long ass pause)...and, if you don't mind, would it be okay...I mean, if it's not I totally understand...but if it is okay...could I call you again tomorrow night?"

Me: "Sure." (Even though by the time he gets that sentence out, it practically IS tomorrow)

So, he calls again the next night...and the next. We talk every day that week leading up to the big date on Saturday night. By this time we've learned some things about each other. I learn that he apparently (or perhaps it was his ex wife) doesn't believe in birth control because they have a passel o chirrens. I also learn that the sweet, passive thing doesn't really do it for me. However, I learn that he is extremely brainy, loves his job, and is close to his many, many chirrens (children). I begin to look forward to this date.........................

More deets later. I needs my beauty sleep! I will continue tomorrow, where I promise I will finish this damn post...and be just a little more stunning than I am today.

Love you all muchly (though some more than others),

Annabelly