Yo, Yo, Yo, what up, Biotches? I decided it was time for an update on Mr. Muscles. He's still adorable, yet frustrating. He still claims to enjoy simplicity, yet he spews complicated nonsense. AND he still hasn't decided that he's ready to commit...and on that note, I may have agreed to dinner on Sunday with D.A. and a dinner next weekend with Mr. Motorcycle. Good day to you all :)
Cause that's what's up,
Annabelly
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Vacay Part 2
Sorry for the hold up...real life has intervened...and bitch slapped me. And then there are the other distractions - specifically, Muscles-related distractions. If you don't know who Muscles is...well, catch up on the old posts. I don't have time to catch you up on all that shiz.
We were discussing Divorce Vacation '08. I met a man. Well...a boy...wow, that sounds gross. Lets compromise and say "guy." He was gorgeous - although, do you really have to try that hard at 21 to be gorgeous? He had abs to die for, wavy blonde hair, blue eyes, a butt from the cover of a fitness magazine. It was such a change from the men my age - for starters, nothing on this guy jiggled when he walked, which meant I did a lot of sucking in my stomach when he was around.
Anygay, on night two of the trip we ended up hanging out on the beach with this faboo group of guys. Somehow VacationNathan (VN) and I ended up alone (thank you, girls!). We sat on the beach. He started to point out different stars and constellations (for the record, I'm pretty sure MOST of what he told me was incorrect). He finally said, "So, do you know much about the stars?" I said, "no." Then he said, "Okay, how about sports?" Again, I answered, "no." He laughed and said, "Okay, what do you know about?" I answered, "I know the 25 uses for a comma." His response? He grabbed me, pulled me close, and said, "Can you think of 25 uses for me?" And then he kissed me.
And that's all you get tonight. I pinky promise not to make you wait so long next time.
Love and flowers,
Annabelly
We were discussing Divorce Vacation '08. I met a man. Well...a boy...wow, that sounds gross. Lets compromise and say "guy." He was gorgeous - although, do you really have to try that hard at 21 to be gorgeous? He had abs to die for, wavy blonde hair, blue eyes, a butt from the cover of a fitness magazine. It was such a change from the men my age - for starters, nothing on this guy jiggled when he walked, which meant I did a lot of sucking in my stomach when he was around.
Anygay, on night two of the trip we ended up hanging out on the beach with this faboo group of guys. Somehow VacationNathan (VN) and I ended up alone (thank you, girls!). We sat on the beach. He started to point out different stars and constellations (for the record, I'm pretty sure MOST of what he told me was incorrect). He finally said, "So, do you know much about the stars?" I said, "no." Then he said, "Okay, how about sports?" Again, I answered, "no." He laughed and said, "Okay, what do you know about?" I answered, "I know the 25 uses for a comma." His response? He grabbed me, pulled me close, and said, "Can you think of 25 uses for me?" And then he kissed me.
And that's all you get tonight. I pinky promise not to make you wait so long next time.
Love and flowers,
Annabelly
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Let's Talk About Vacation Booty...
It's story time. Today we shall discuss Vacation Nathan (VL). Picture it: Florida, 2008. I was with three girlfriends on what I dubbed my Divorce Vacation. (Side note: If you walk into a bar and yell, "It's my Divorce Vacation!" you will drink free all night. Trust.) Anyway, it was about six months post-Douchebag (the ex husband), and I was just coming out of my funk. This vacation was my debut as a single gal. And what a debut it was!
The first thing you should know is that it was a very peculiar vacation. It remains the only vacation from which I have ever returned weighing less than I did pre-trip. The alcohol took precedence over real sustenance, and, apparently, a liquid diet consisting of mainly vodka and wine is temporarily good for the waistline. Anyway, I freely admit that I drank too much on this trip - so much, in fact, that my friends and I kept a list going of what I drank each night. It should have made me puke. Truthfully, when I go a little overboard on the adult beverages, I am a puker. However, I didn't upchuck once on this trip. We attributed it to the magic of Divorce Vacation - a place where Annabelly can get drunk and NOT puke and pounds magically melt off. It was a grand old time.
So, let's get down to bidnizz..............
On the first night of the trip, we went to one of our favorite bars, had some drinks, and made new friends. A tip for making friends: Have a girlfriend take pictures of you with random hot guys for your Divorce Vacation scrapbook. This is a fabulous ice breaker. And this is how we met an incredibly fun group of guys from a neighboring state. They ranged from 21 to 34 in age and so-so to OMG hot on the cuteness scale. And I took my picture with each one of them. (By the way, the scrapbook is faboo.) I thought several of them were viable options, and the rest of the girls were having fun with them, too, so we made plans to meet up with them again the next night.
The next night we had a great time again. We drank. We sang. We drank some more. We rode a tram. We walked on the beach. And I did a little stargazing on the beach with one particular guy. Before I tell you which one...let's learn a little bit more about a few of these guys:
A 34 year old science teacher who wore long sleeves in Florida in July
A 31 year old insurance salesman and wannabe recording sensation
A 27 year old math professor
A 31 year old engaged physical therapist
And then, there was Nathan - a 21 year old college student, specifically an exercise science major and personal trainer with blond hair, blue eyes, and abs that made you stupid.
And.............we will finish later. I'm jonesing for a snack.
Peace, love, and all that stupid shizzle,
Annabelly
The first thing you should know is that it was a very peculiar vacation. It remains the only vacation from which I have ever returned weighing less than I did pre-trip. The alcohol took precedence over real sustenance, and, apparently, a liquid diet consisting of mainly vodka and wine is temporarily good for the waistline. Anyway, I freely admit that I drank too much on this trip - so much, in fact, that my friends and I kept a list going of what I drank each night. It should have made me puke. Truthfully, when I go a little overboard on the adult beverages, I am a puker. However, I didn't upchuck once on this trip. We attributed it to the magic of Divorce Vacation - a place where Annabelly can get drunk and NOT puke and pounds magically melt off. It was a grand old time.
So, let's get down to bidnizz..............
On the first night of the trip, we went to one of our favorite bars, had some drinks, and made new friends. A tip for making friends: Have a girlfriend take pictures of you with random hot guys for your Divorce Vacation scrapbook. This is a fabulous ice breaker. And this is how we met an incredibly fun group of guys from a neighboring state. They ranged from 21 to 34 in age and so-so to OMG hot on the cuteness scale. And I took my picture with each one of them. (By the way, the scrapbook is faboo.) I thought several of them were viable options, and the rest of the girls were having fun with them, too, so we made plans to meet up with them again the next night.
The next night we had a great time again. We drank. We sang. We drank some more. We rode a tram. We walked on the beach. And I did a little stargazing on the beach with one particular guy. Before I tell you which one...let's learn a little bit more about a few of these guys:
A 34 year old science teacher who wore long sleeves in Florida in July
A 31 year old insurance salesman and wannabe recording sensation
A 27 year old math professor
A 31 year old engaged physical therapist
And then, there was Nathan - a 21 year old college student, specifically an exercise science major and personal trainer with blond hair, blue eyes, and abs that made you stupid.
And.............we will finish later. I'm jonesing for a snack.
Peace, love, and all that stupid shizzle,
Annabelly
Muscles: The Saga Continues...
Well...we got back together...at least, as "together" as you can be without actually being in a viable relationship. Whatever. We'll see how this goes.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
It's Done.
It's official. Muscles and I broke up. The (sort of) relationship is over. Normally, I'd say bring on the next guy. But this one kind of did a number on me.
By the way, on a not totally unrelated note, I have decided that I don't believe that people actually fall in love anymore. I know they used to fall in love. My parents were in love until the day my mother died. My sister and her husband are in love. I have friends who are in love. BUT these people all fell in love pre-facebook and pre-internet dating. I don't think it happens anymore. I really don't. If anyone reading this is currently in love, I guarantee you that you fell in love pre-2003. It is my opinion that no one has fallen in love in the past 7 years.
The End,
The Definitely Single Annabelly.
By the way, on a not totally unrelated note, I have decided that I don't believe that people actually fall in love anymore. I know they used to fall in love. My parents were in love until the day my mother died. My sister and her husband are in love. I have friends who are in love. BUT these people all fell in love pre-facebook and pre-internet dating. I don't think it happens anymore. I really don't. If anyone reading this is currently in love, I guarantee you that you fell in love pre-2003. It is my opinion that no one has fallen in love in the past 7 years.
The End,
The Definitely Single Annabelly.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
I'm about to break up with my NONboyfriend.
I think I'm at the very beginning of a decent romantic comedy. I'm in a (quasi) relationship that's going nowhere. I'm frustrated. I'm pissed off. I'm alone. Again. There have been mixed signals. There have been dashed hopes. Isn't that how the heroine starts out in most of those movies?
And then just when she's at her wits' end...when she's not looking, when she's not prepared, when she's usually in some awkward, embarrassing scenario...there he is. And it just works. She finds him charming. He finds her adorable.
His bottom line: I don't think Muscles likes me very much. I think I annoy him. He overanalyzes everything I say. Lately, I find myself walking on eggshells around him. He only seems to enjoy being around me when we're in a group. We have been "talking" for two months now. I have been stressed and confused 90% of the time.
My bottom line: I don't want someone to look at me in annoyance. I don't want someone to roll their eyes because I did or said something silly. I don't want someone to read into everything I say looking for the flaw. I don't want someone to wish I were a little thinner, a little taller, a little smarter, a little more interesting. I don't want them to wish I had a slightly smaller nose or a quieter laugh. I want someone to look at me and like me...just the way I am right now. And if Muscles isn't that guy...then what the hell am I doing?
And then just when she's at her wits' end...when she's not looking, when she's not prepared, when she's usually in some awkward, embarrassing scenario...there he is. And it just works. She finds him charming. He finds her adorable.
His bottom line: I don't think Muscles likes me very much. I think I annoy him. He overanalyzes everything I say. Lately, I find myself walking on eggshells around him. He only seems to enjoy being around me when we're in a group. We have been "talking" for two months now. I have been stressed and confused 90% of the time.
My bottom line: I don't want someone to look at me in annoyance. I don't want someone to roll their eyes because I did or said something silly. I don't want someone to read into everything I say looking for the flaw. I don't want someone to wish I were a little thinner, a little taller, a little smarter, a little more interesting. I don't want them to wish I had a slightly smaller nose or a quieter laugh. I want someone to look at me and like me...just the way I am right now. And if Muscles isn't that guy...then what the hell am I doing?
Monday, August 16, 2010
Stupid Students...
It occurred to me that I never finished telling you about Motorcycle. Oh well. Here's the short version - he kept flirting. A lot. He kept asking me out. I kept declining. The flirting escalated with him eventually telling me something extremely naughty that he wanted to engage in while we were on his motorcycle. Anyway, I never did go out with him.
The end.
Here's my point, though...well, the point I'm trying to make today. Students are weird. For every Mary Kay La-Whats-It (I can't remember her name. You know - the one who boinked her extremely underage student), there are probably 10 students trying to get somewhere with a teacher. And by somewhere I mean naked city. Yes, this is gross. Yes, this is wrong. No, I never had fantasies about bumping uglies with one of my teachers. EWWW - I just had a baby barf. Anyway, trust me, peeps, these stupid students are trying.
Take today, for instance. I have been assigned a teacher's assistant (TA) one hour. My TA is a guy; he is a senior. He has decided that he has a crush on me. He has told people this. He walks by my room constantly. He compliments my hair, my teeth, my shoes. Today he got a sticky note and wrote a date on it; he stuck this to my computer. Here's our conversation:
Me: "J, what is this?"
J: "My birthday."
Me: "You're telling me months in advance? Yeah...I won't remember that. Also, I wasn't aware I was supposed to celebrate my TA's birthday. Don't expect much...guess I could bring you some gum."
J: "But it's an important birthday."
Me: "They're all important when you're young. Eventually, you'll want to ignore them."
J: "But I'll be 18."
Me: "Goody for you. Congratulations. We're all proud."
J: "So I'll be legal."
Me: "I don't want to hear about that."
J: "Aww, c'mon, Ms. A. Your niece told me you were single. Soon as I turn 18, I'm asking you out...or do I have to wait until I graduate?"
Me: "You can wait til I'm drawing Social Security; it's still never gonna happen. Don't be gross. Now go sit in the back of the class."
J: "Will you at least dance with me at Homecoming?"
Me: "Gross. I will not."
Like I said, gross. I have said this before, but it needs to be repeated: I cannot attract a man my own age to save my life. Where is the 35 year old single man? Hell, even if you tell me...or place him right in front of me...he wouldn't want me. Now, take an 18 year old moron or a 55 year old paw paw...and they will love me and possibly stalk me. Gross.
Grossly yours,
Annabelly
The end.
Here's my point, though...well, the point I'm trying to make today. Students are weird. For every Mary Kay La-Whats-It (I can't remember her name. You know - the one who boinked her extremely underage student), there are probably 10 students trying to get somewhere with a teacher. And by somewhere I mean naked city. Yes, this is gross. Yes, this is wrong. No, I never had fantasies about bumping uglies with one of my teachers. EWWW - I just had a baby barf. Anyway, trust me, peeps, these stupid students are trying.
Take today, for instance. I have been assigned a teacher's assistant (TA) one hour. My TA is a guy; he is a senior. He has decided that he has a crush on me. He has told people this. He walks by my room constantly. He compliments my hair, my teeth, my shoes. Today he got a sticky note and wrote a date on it; he stuck this to my computer. Here's our conversation:
Me: "J, what is this?"
J: "My birthday."
Me: "You're telling me months in advance? Yeah...I won't remember that. Also, I wasn't aware I was supposed to celebrate my TA's birthday. Don't expect much...guess I could bring you some gum."
J: "But it's an important birthday."
Me: "They're all important when you're young. Eventually, you'll want to ignore them."
J: "But I'll be 18."
Me: "Goody for you. Congratulations. We're all proud."
J: "So I'll be legal."
Me: "I don't want to hear about that."
J: "Aww, c'mon, Ms. A. Your niece told me you were single. Soon as I turn 18, I'm asking you out...or do I have to wait until I graduate?"
Me: "You can wait til I'm drawing Social Security; it's still never gonna happen. Don't be gross. Now go sit in the back of the class."
J: "Will you at least dance with me at Homecoming?"
Me: "Gross. I will not."
Like I said, gross. I have said this before, but it needs to be repeated: I cannot attract a man my own age to save my life. Where is the 35 year old single man? Hell, even if you tell me...or place him right in front of me...he wouldn't want me. Now, take an 18 year old moron or a 55 year old paw paw...and they will love me and possibly stalk me. Gross.
Grossly yours,
Annabelly
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