You've heard of it - that "He's Just Not That Into You" book. The verdict? Pretty good shit. But here's the thing about good shit - true, some of it is good. The rest? It's just shit. In this book there was enough good to make it worth wading through said shit. For those of you unfamiliar with the tome, here's a looky-loo at a chapter title:
1. "He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out"
What I took from this chapter: If a man says any of the following to you:
"We should hang out sometime."
"So maybe we'll run into each other."
"Maybe I'll stop by later."
Or if he does any of the following:
Calls you only when drunk.
Calls you only after 10 p.m.
It means this: He doesn't want to see you UNLESS you are naked.
Men I remembered I hated while reading this chapter: Itsy, MWFHS, Mr. Motorcycle, Cable, CrazyEyes, BB, DA, and Softy McNoodle . . . and Muscles.
Mainly Muscles. Of all the men who didn't love me back, I think I hate him the most . . . because I wanted him the most. I've feigned ambivalence, but I wanted him.
Stupid book. Stupid book with enough good to outweigh the shit.
Shittily yours,
Annabelly
Monday, December 27, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Things I Have Broken This Week:
1. A button on my laptop. I stepped on it.
2. A wine glass. It got stuck in the dishwasher. I got pissed and yanked it. Glass errrrrrrverywhere.
3. A corkscrew - while it was in my bottle of wine.
4. My solemn pledge not to buy another pair of boots until my next paycheck.
5. A penis. More on this later.
Peace out,
Annabelly
2. A wine glass. It got stuck in the dishwasher. I got pissed and yanked it. Glass errrrrrrverywhere.
3. A corkscrew - while it was in my bottle of wine.
4. My solemn pledge not to buy another pair of boots until my next paycheck.
5. A penis. More on this later.
Peace out,
Annabelly
Sunday, November 28, 2010
I'm Back, Bitches.
Dear Peeps,
Thank you for your pushy, nosy, bitchy emails asking about my prolonged absence. They make me feel loved and, what's clearly more important, popular. Why the silent treatment, you ask? I suppose it happened because I've been busy with work, kids, friends, and I've been all up on Muscle's junk. That's over now. We broke up. So, here I be. Get ready.
Thank you for your pushy, nosy, bitchy emails asking about my prolonged absence. They make me feel loved and, what's clearly more important, popular. Why the silent treatment, you ask? I suppose it happened because I've been busy with work, kids, friends, and I've been all up on Muscle's junk. That's over now. We broke up. So, here I be. Get ready.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Muscles Update Time
Yo, Yo, Yo, what up, Biotches? I decided it was time for an update on Mr. Muscles. He's still adorable, yet frustrating. He still claims to enjoy simplicity, yet he spews complicated nonsense. AND he still hasn't decided that he's ready to commit...and on that note, I may have agreed to dinner on Sunday with D.A. and a dinner next weekend with Mr. Motorcycle. Good day to you all :)
Cause that's what's up,
Annabelly
Cause that's what's up,
Annabelly
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Vacay Part 2
Sorry for the hold up...real life has intervened...and bitch slapped me. And then there are the other distractions - specifically, Muscles-related distractions. If you don't know who Muscles is...well, catch up on the old posts. I don't have time to catch you up on all that shiz.
We were discussing Divorce Vacation '08. I met a man. Well...a boy...wow, that sounds gross. Lets compromise and say "guy." He was gorgeous - although, do you really have to try that hard at 21 to be gorgeous? He had abs to die for, wavy blonde hair, blue eyes, a butt from the cover of a fitness magazine. It was such a change from the men my age - for starters, nothing on this guy jiggled when he walked, which meant I did a lot of sucking in my stomach when he was around.
Anygay, on night two of the trip we ended up hanging out on the beach with this faboo group of guys. Somehow VacationNathan (VN) and I ended up alone (thank you, girls!). We sat on the beach. He started to point out different stars and constellations (for the record, I'm pretty sure MOST of what he told me was incorrect). He finally said, "So, do you know much about the stars?" I said, "no." Then he said, "Okay, how about sports?" Again, I answered, "no." He laughed and said, "Okay, what do you know about?" I answered, "I know the 25 uses for a comma." His response? He grabbed me, pulled me close, and said, "Can you think of 25 uses for me?" And then he kissed me.
And that's all you get tonight. I pinky promise not to make you wait so long next time.
Love and flowers,
Annabelly
We were discussing Divorce Vacation '08. I met a man. Well...a boy...wow, that sounds gross. Lets compromise and say "guy." He was gorgeous - although, do you really have to try that hard at 21 to be gorgeous? He had abs to die for, wavy blonde hair, blue eyes, a butt from the cover of a fitness magazine. It was such a change from the men my age - for starters, nothing on this guy jiggled when he walked, which meant I did a lot of sucking in my stomach when he was around.
Anygay, on night two of the trip we ended up hanging out on the beach with this faboo group of guys. Somehow VacationNathan (VN) and I ended up alone (thank you, girls!). We sat on the beach. He started to point out different stars and constellations (for the record, I'm pretty sure MOST of what he told me was incorrect). He finally said, "So, do you know much about the stars?" I said, "no." Then he said, "Okay, how about sports?" Again, I answered, "no." He laughed and said, "Okay, what do you know about?" I answered, "I know the 25 uses for a comma." His response? He grabbed me, pulled me close, and said, "Can you think of 25 uses for me?" And then he kissed me.
And that's all you get tonight. I pinky promise not to make you wait so long next time.
Love and flowers,
Annabelly
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Let's Talk About Vacation Booty...
It's story time. Today we shall discuss Vacation Nathan (VL). Picture it: Florida, 2008. I was with three girlfriends on what I dubbed my Divorce Vacation. (Side note: If you walk into a bar and yell, "It's my Divorce Vacation!" you will drink free all night. Trust.) Anyway, it was about six months post-Douchebag (the ex husband), and I was just coming out of my funk. This vacation was my debut as a single gal. And what a debut it was!
The first thing you should know is that it was a very peculiar vacation. It remains the only vacation from which I have ever returned weighing less than I did pre-trip. The alcohol took precedence over real sustenance, and, apparently, a liquid diet consisting of mainly vodka and wine is temporarily good for the waistline. Anyway, I freely admit that I drank too much on this trip - so much, in fact, that my friends and I kept a list going of what I drank each night. It should have made me puke. Truthfully, when I go a little overboard on the adult beverages, I am a puker. However, I didn't upchuck once on this trip. We attributed it to the magic of Divorce Vacation - a place where Annabelly can get drunk and NOT puke and pounds magically melt off. It was a grand old time.
So, let's get down to bidnizz..............
On the first night of the trip, we went to one of our favorite bars, had some drinks, and made new friends. A tip for making friends: Have a girlfriend take pictures of you with random hot guys for your Divorce Vacation scrapbook. This is a fabulous ice breaker. And this is how we met an incredibly fun group of guys from a neighboring state. They ranged from 21 to 34 in age and so-so to OMG hot on the cuteness scale. And I took my picture with each one of them. (By the way, the scrapbook is faboo.) I thought several of them were viable options, and the rest of the girls were having fun with them, too, so we made plans to meet up with them again the next night.
The next night we had a great time again. We drank. We sang. We drank some more. We rode a tram. We walked on the beach. And I did a little stargazing on the beach with one particular guy. Before I tell you which one...let's learn a little bit more about a few of these guys:
A 34 year old science teacher who wore long sleeves in Florida in July
A 31 year old insurance salesman and wannabe recording sensation
A 27 year old math professor
A 31 year old engaged physical therapist
And then, there was Nathan - a 21 year old college student, specifically an exercise science major and personal trainer with blond hair, blue eyes, and abs that made you stupid.
And.............we will finish later. I'm jonesing for a snack.
Peace, love, and all that stupid shizzle,
Annabelly
The first thing you should know is that it was a very peculiar vacation. It remains the only vacation from which I have ever returned weighing less than I did pre-trip. The alcohol took precedence over real sustenance, and, apparently, a liquid diet consisting of mainly vodka and wine is temporarily good for the waistline. Anyway, I freely admit that I drank too much on this trip - so much, in fact, that my friends and I kept a list going of what I drank each night. It should have made me puke. Truthfully, when I go a little overboard on the adult beverages, I am a puker. However, I didn't upchuck once on this trip. We attributed it to the magic of Divorce Vacation - a place where Annabelly can get drunk and NOT puke and pounds magically melt off. It was a grand old time.
So, let's get down to bidnizz..............
On the first night of the trip, we went to one of our favorite bars, had some drinks, and made new friends. A tip for making friends: Have a girlfriend take pictures of you with random hot guys for your Divorce Vacation scrapbook. This is a fabulous ice breaker. And this is how we met an incredibly fun group of guys from a neighboring state. They ranged from 21 to 34 in age and so-so to OMG hot on the cuteness scale. And I took my picture with each one of them. (By the way, the scrapbook is faboo.) I thought several of them were viable options, and the rest of the girls were having fun with them, too, so we made plans to meet up with them again the next night.
The next night we had a great time again. We drank. We sang. We drank some more. We rode a tram. We walked on the beach. And I did a little stargazing on the beach with one particular guy. Before I tell you which one...let's learn a little bit more about a few of these guys:
A 34 year old science teacher who wore long sleeves in Florida in July
A 31 year old insurance salesman and wannabe recording sensation
A 27 year old math professor
A 31 year old engaged physical therapist
And then, there was Nathan - a 21 year old college student, specifically an exercise science major and personal trainer with blond hair, blue eyes, and abs that made you stupid.
And.............we will finish later. I'm jonesing for a snack.
Peace, love, and all that stupid shizzle,
Annabelly
Muscles: The Saga Continues...
Well...we got back together...at least, as "together" as you can be without actually being in a viable relationship. Whatever. We'll see how this goes.
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